Even worse, I'm hitting the stores by myself. (Gasps) Why yes, I'm all by my lonesome. Just me, myself, and I. No one to talk naughty to. No one to play naughty games with. No one to ogle wickedly hot men and make naughty innuendos with. At this rate, my naughtiness will fade with the sunset. I might actually have to behave. (Shudders) That's a tragic thought. Me? On good behavior? Yikes! Maybe, the end of the world is going to happen this week. Ruh-roh.
But hey. Wait a minute. Why don't you join me? Then we could be naughty together while I get some of this shopping done. And that would prevent my inner pervert's tragic demise, as well as, possibly saving the world. (Breathes a sigh of relief)
Disaster averted...if you're ready, willing, and able. So, how about it? Will you come with me? (Snickers) I said come. (Winks) Not like that's a first.
Come on. You know you want to be naughty...I mean trek through one store after another by my side. Pretty, pretty please with a big, juicy cherry on top. If you're good, I'll add some whipped cream too.
Yes? You'll come? Yay! How long do you think it'll take to get here? Hmmm...that could be a problem. I don't imagine any of you live within a quick drive of East Tennessee? Darn. Well, there goes that idea. Unless....why don't I snap some pictures and share them with you? By crackey, that might just work. But we'll have to hurry up and see before my naughty-meter drops down to zero.
Okay, okay. No more playing around. Let's get this show on the road.
First up, the kiddies....
When Barbie, The Hulk, and the vibrating Rubber Duck named Dick meet, they all come together.
When the condom breaks, you have years of buying these to look forward to.
Girl meets boy ( and boy)....Cue the hot, aggressive sparks...
They fall in sweet, passionate, perfect love...
And then come the rings...cock rings.
Oopsie...how did we end up in this aisle? Wrong turn? Ah, well. We should just check out the goodies. Right? Wink, wink. I'm sure there's someone out there who could use a good book.
Why not? Kilts, swords, and accents...sounds like a sexy time to me.
Eden Bradley. Lora Leigh. Sylvia Day. Need I say more? Ah yes, two words - erotic heaven.
Anyone up for a little nookie?
Hmm...These would make three wonderful presents for three wonderful people. OR they could make the perfect present for one very lucky adult and his/her significant other. Merry Christmas to me!
The Warm Up—Pop in the porn.
The Action—Naked Twister.
The Big Finish—After-care Blanket.
Wow. I'm so proud. I'm tearing up. (Sniff, Sniff) We perverted Christmas shopping. Wonder if this will land us on Santa's Naughty List? Hmm...I guess we're way past that. Last time I checked, our names were written in permanent marker.
Eight days and counting...