Shut Up...And Drive:
The Rules to Driving Without Making Mia Road-Raging Mad
The Golden Rule: Do. Not. Ride. My. Ass. I may like it in the bedroom with my husband. But I guarantee that I don't like it in my car with a stranger.
Rule No. 2: Don't cut me off. It's like nails on a chalkboard.
Rule No 3: Never pull out in front of me at a breakneck speed then slow down. You like it fast, fine. You like it slow, good for you. But don't go back and forth. Make a decision and stick with it.
Rule No. 4: Don't drive slower than Miss Daisy would - if she were behind the wheel. Jessica Tandy could get away with it. But you, Sir (or Madame), cannot.
Rule No. 5: Don't forget to signal. In certain adult situations, lack of warning can be most pleasurable. Think, blindfold and bondage. But when you're going to turn or change lanes, the element of surprise is neither sexy nor arousing. It's annoying and stupid.
Rule No. 6: Don't change lanes abruptly. I'm not a psychic. Psycho, yes. Psychic, no. I cannot predict your crazed driving antics.
Rule No. 7: Stay out of my blind spot. I want to see you when I flip you off.
Rule No. 8: Don't block an intersection. Trust me, you're not that important...unless your naked and your name is Ryan Gosling. Then you are that important. And you should feel free to block my intersection any day. ;)
Rule No. 9: Green means go. Floor it. Haul heinie. Ride like a cowgirl on her favorite stud.
Rule No. 10: Remember to switch off your high beams when you see me coming. Hehehe. I'm just going to stop right there before I choke on my foot.