Happy Monday! I'm b-a-ack, baby...and better than ever. As some of you may know, I had surgery last week. Yep, that pesky appendix got mad and revolted. It took a surgeon, two anesthesiologists, and a whole surgical team to tame the stubborn thing. Lucky me.
So since today is Mia's Monday Madness, I thought I would share some details of my surgery and subsequent hospital stay. Now I'm not going to go TMI on you. I promise. Although, my friend suggested that I have the surgeon reserve the appendix and take a picture just for my blog. But, um, that's a big fat no. Gross! I will, however, show you what I looked like the Thursday before last.
Well, that might be exaggerating it a bit...or a lot. I actually didn't even realize that something was wrong with me. I was just happily working through edits for Three Rings and a Rose when I noticed that I felt like I'd pulled a muscle in my stomach. Yet that wasn't likely. I had hardly done a thing that day - other than write. So, me being me, I assumed that I had just been sitting too long. Yep, you know what they say about assuming, right? It makes an ass out of you and me. That should be tattooed on my ass. :)
The next day, I got up bright and early. I was in this great mood because I had finished the edits and could send them off. Thankfully, I emailed them to Siren before I went to the doctor. But that is neither here nor there.
So I'm moving around, and I just kept feeling this nagging pain in my abdomen, but I couldn't tell exactly where it came from. It was just uncomfortable in a really weird way. Descriptive, I know. But to make a super long story short, I decided to call the doctor. Of course, they are like, "Oh, come on in. Dr. Adorable will want to see you." I thought it was silly, but I went anyway.
After spending some quality time with Dr. Adorable, he went to examine me. And let me tell you, the moment his hand touched my abdomen, I broke out in a sweat, latched onto the table underneath me, and bit back the agonizing scream that wanted to burst from my lips. It was horrible. I'm not exactly a wussy when it comes to pain, but crap, it hurt. Again, Dr. Adorable stepped in and sent me to get a CT scan...with that contrast dye stuff. Berry smoothies never tasted so bad. As my hubby said, "Doesn't matter what they call it. It's berry bad." LOL. He's such a dork.
It looked nothing like this! I swear.
Three hours later, the doctor walks in with 'that' look. The I have bad news that I don't want to tell you, but I have to look. I almost felt sorry for Dr. Adorable. In all honesty, if his news hadn't sucked so badly, I probably would have felt sorry. But oh well, his news sucked, and I was irritated.
Seriously, doesn't Dr. Adorable know that I'm not allowed to be sick? Did I forget to send him the memo? Just in case, I told him...as a reminder, of course. What does he do? He laughs. I guess he hears that a lot.
Before I can blink my eyes, I'm being carted off to a surprisingly nice room. Hardwood floors, two tvs, and fancy furniture. When did this happen? I thought the rooms were supposed to be sterile and cold, not a small hotel room. Not that the nice room had any effect on me whatsoever after the surgery. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
A flurry of people came in and out. The nurses forced me into a horribly unflattering hospital gown. The surgeon gave me the typical speech. Then I was off...to surgery. Now here is where I discovered how much of a sick, sick witch I am.
I am whisked into the operating room where they tie me to the table. Yes, I said tie. I was laid out on the cold, hard slab like some kind of sacrifice. Obviously, my inner perv had a lot to say about that. But of course, I would never say such things aloud. Nope, not me. But I would show you a picture. Wouldn't I?
Ah yes, that's much better than whispering wicked nothings. I do have to say that this was just the beginning. My vivid imagination went far beyond a St. Andrew's Cross, but the anesthesiologist knocked my butt out before I could get lost in my naughtiness. Damn it.
After that, everything is a blur. Apparently hardcore drugs do that to you. As someone who rarely uses prescription pain meds, I had no idea what kind of fantasy land I would find myself in. According to my friend Tina, I was quite stoned and a lot of fun to talk to. I honestly don't remember. I wish I did. Boy do I. Goodness knows what I told her. She probably has serious blackmail on me.
I must admit that I remember two things Tina said to me...something about Mary Mother-fucking Sunshine and washing a dildo. I'll let you figure that one out because I'm evil like that. And because I don't know the entire context of our discussions.
So that's about it for my recap. Not very eventful, huh? I guess I shouldn't complain though. Other than some serious pain, being higher than a kite, and getting cut open, I had a mini-vacation. (snorts) I couldn't even say that with a straight face.
Hope you all are well. Now that I'm nearly back to normal, I will be back to work. No rest for the wicked. Have a great start to your week! XOXOXO!
Love and cherries,